Atlantída

To, čo hľadám márne -
úsmevy maľované na skle.
Odtlačky prstov, pohyby stien
strácam sa v múzeu rozbitých cien.
Víťazi si pripíjajú
na ďalšie úspechy.
A my padlí nachádzame rozkoše na dne pohára.
V odraze lesku červeného vína
topí sa stratená, spustošená krajina.
Atlantída dávnych čias
Utópia budúcich rás.
V nej rastieme spoločne,
konáme jednotne.
Ruka v ruke kráčame do nového dňa,
prebudzajúc sa spotení zo zlého sna.
Dohrali huslisti,
pretrhali sláky a zničené hodili
do blatistej mláky.
Mesiac na dlani
napísal symfóniu
zacválal v diaľave
opustil rodinu.
Nestretne slnko, hviezdy či oblohu
už dávno neznačí do mapy polohu.
Od kompasu očakáva, že mu udá smer,
nachádza len sklamanie, plač a hnev.
Unavený zadrieme na krátky čas,
zmocní sa a objíme
každého z nás.
Nezaujíma ho, či si tulák, boháč alebo umelec
do zeme raz zaľahne každý jedinec.
Len vtedy sme si rovní,
rovnako zúfalí, zmätení, no skromní.
Priznajuc si chyby svoje i tie našich predkov,
konečne spoznáme príčinu dôsledkov.

She could not stop loving her in this one 6/6

The times she could not continue anymore. The very end. 

Christmas 2018

There is no other choice

I lost you a time ago

Now you are going to lose me

Will you miss me?

When we kissed

my body, my soul, my mind,

my existence

Everything made sense

And it was beautiful.

Unluckily, it meant nothing to you

As you said so many times

We are so different

What I feel is stronger than what I want

That is why we cant be friends

You are a good person

One of the best actually

Whatever

I am done with that pain

These last three months have been enough

Have a good life

…

She could not stop loving her in this one 5/6

The times she was drowning in her eyes and smile .. and everything.

It has been two months already

I still can´t feel anything else than pain

Watching what I love and will never have

It is like trying to reach the stars

… impossible

I made you cry first

but I will be the one who weeps last

My debt is paid

I owe you nothing

With my misery

With all that pain

You could feed whole cities

With my tears

You could fill the lakes

It is not a poem

It never was

Just the way I relieve a pain

Just the way I let the anger say what it thinks

Today I am going through a breakup

( In my mind )

Like I was yesterday

And the day before

And the day before

And the day before.

She could not stop loving her in this one 4/6

The times she was trying to find a solution to their equation. 
Also the times she wanted to kiss her.

It never felt so wrong

It never hurt that much

The most painful hug

yet the most desired one

a shiver and a tension

you had to feel it too.

The way you scanned my face

and the lust inside your gaze

...

yeah

She could not stop loving her in this one 3/6

The times she completely and entirely fell in love.


So here we are, girl
I knew this could happen
I already told you that
Now I am falling for you
And I will not land and touch the ground
As long as you hold my mind

I can´t do this.

I wish I could

But I am weak

Most of the time I suffer

For not holding your hand

Not seeing your face every time of the day

Not being able to gently stroke your hair

If only you needed me

That would be perfect

This little adventure

I know I should end it

Unluckily, I am not strong enough to do so

I guess it is just me and my pain

I and the darkest face of my mind.

Save me somebody.

She could not stop loving her in this one 2/6

The times when she really fucked it up.

Now I know who was the wrong one

the villain in this story

maybe it was whole my fault

I fucked it up

Now I know who was the wrong one

Would you believe me

if I said I am hurting

for what I did?

Would you believe me

if I said I feed the pain

that tears me apart?

Now I know I want to stay by your side

Make it up for you

Be the very best version of me

I wish I was enough for you.

She could not stop loving her in this one 1/6

The times when she was confused and understood nothing. The very beginning.


I´ve got a question, girl
Do you fucking care?
One simple question, girl
Do you know how much I fucking care?

You lighted the fire in my ribcage
You showed me your favourite tones
Now my veins are playing ´the village´
Every second since the morning

I am listening again and again
Lost in this small city I was born in
Trying to stay strong

You broke me faster than you could ever imagine
I guess you like to fucking play
I bet watching me suffer makes you feel alive
Maybe, you are just trying to survive

Same as me,
but girl
I don´t mess with minds
I don´t mess with people

There is something wrong with the ribcage
It is on fire
It hurts
And there is still the same question
Do you fucking care?

Inferno

Keby sa nepísalo 30.10.2018 a na adrese s číslom 99 by neprevládala melanchólia, tak by sa v najvýchodnejšej izbe domu nesvietilo a ani tieto slová by nikdy neboli zverejnené.
Archív: Dramaťák niekde v rokoch 2011-2016

Kľačím na kolenách, ktorých ťarcha by sa dala porovnávať s váhou oblohy.

Moje utrpenie podobá sa Atlasovmu.

Zatínam zuby, vzpínam svaly.

Myšlienka na slobodu je mi na míle vzdialená a nikdy sa nepriblíži.

Cítim to utrpenie, žijem ním.

Zápach síry mi preniká do tela a rozlieva sa ním v pravidelných intervaloch rozleptávajúc moje vnútornosti.

Každá ďalšia vlna so sebou nesie nádych agónie.

Otváram oči, slzím krv.

Život opúšťa telo ako postupne uhorieva. 

Zas a znova.

Trpké jazyky ohňa zo mňa sajú životnú energiu.

Nádej skuvíňa zovretá v bolestných kŕčoch.

Je to podobné ako keď bežíš po púšti sklených črepín a žeravých uhlíkov.

Nevidíš koniec a začiatok už dávno nie je tam, kde mal byť, pretože nič nie je také, aké si pamätáš.

Môžeš snívať o láske či šťastí, no všetko tu má svoju cenu.

Cenu tak vysokú, že znenávidíš aj to, čo si zvykol milovať.

Hovorí sa, že každá bolesť slabne časom.

To neplatí na mieste, kde čas je len bludnou ilúziou.

Si v nekonečnom kruhu, ktorého existencia nikdy nezačala a nikdy ani neskončí. 

Trhám si vlasy a nechty zarývam do popolavej pokožky, ktorá väčšmi pripomína zvlieknutú kožu hada.

Zosušená a mŕtva.

Žiadnu bolesť však necítim. 

Teda, nerozoznávam ju.

Je ich toľko.

Ruky premočené krvou vôbec nevnímam.

Akoby som mohla?

Horím zaživa a jediné, čo viem, je, že sa to nikdy neskončí.

Veď predsa to nikdy nezačalo. 

Závidím sviečkam.

Je to obeť, ktorú som podstúpila s radosťou.

Predsa ma niečo také nezabije.

Ako by aj mohlo?

Je to nekonečný kruh, ktorého existencia nikdy nezačala a nikdy ani neskončí.